“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
A diamond may have many facets, but they are all part of the same diamond. According to Hindus and Buddhists, love is like a diamond, in that love has various facets, but those facets are all part of the same love.
There are four primary facets of love: kindness, compassion, joy, and peace.
Kindness: The Love that Befriends
Kindness is wishing the best for others. Like a mother with her newborn daughter, kindness sees the goodness and worth in others, and wishes them well.
Kindness is the opposite of judgment, hatred, and fear of others, and is an antidote to apathy and indifference.
Phrases that help us relate with kindness include:
May you be safe and protected.
May you be peaceful and happy.
May you be healthy and strong.
Compassion: The Love That Relieves Suffering
Compassion is wishing others freedom from their suffering. Like a mother caring for her sick child, compassion does what it can to relieve that suffering.
Compassion is the love that is intimate with suffering. Compassion motivates us to relieve suffering. Compassion is the opposite of cruelty, and the antidote to wanting the love of others. Compassion helps us mindfully, with an open heart, investigate suffering so we may respond to it skillfully.
Phrases that help us relate with compassion include:
I care about your suffering; I care enough to be close.
May you be free from suffering and the root causes of suffering.
May love and wisdom protect and guide you.
Joy: The Love that Celebrates
Joy is the love that celebrates. Appreciative joy celebrates whatever we have genuine gratitude for. Sympathetic joy celebrates the joy, success, and skillfulness of others, just as a mother celebrates her daughter’s first steps.
Sympathetic joy helps us find happiness in the joy and success of others. It is the opposite of envy and jealousy, and the antidote to feelings of overwhelm and despair.
Phrases that help us relate with appreciative joy include:
Thank you!
Thank you for …
I appreciate …
Phrases that help us relate with sympathetic joy include:
May your joy continue, increase, and never end.
May your love continue, increase, and never end.
May your success continue, increase, and never end.
Peace: The love that allows
Peace is the love that allows the present moment to be as it is, showing no aversion or craving towards it. Like a loving mother raising an unruly teenager, peace accepts the present moment, so it may respond to it skillfully and lovingly.
Peace is the opposite of afflictive emotions of all kinds, and it is the antidote for craving sense pleasures.
Phrases that help us relate with peace and equanimity include:
May you dwell in a deep inner peace, free from craving and aversion.
May you greet change and difficulty with mindful peace, stability, and ease.
May you dwell in a deep inner peace, free from craving and aversion.
“Meditation is love. ”
The Qualitites of Love
Kindness, compassion, joy, and peace all share several qualities. They are all forms of relational pleasure, they are all selfless and unattached, and they are immeasurable and an inseparable part of our basic nature. Let’s look at each of these characteristics more closely.
Love is a Relational Pleasure
Relating from kindness, compassion, joy and peace generates relational pleasure — pleasure that comes from how we relate, and not from sense-gratification. Therefore, we want to practice one or more of these ways of relating at all times.
Some wisdom traditions call these states the “divine abodes” or “home of the gods” because Gods and enlightened beings dwell perpetually within them. UK-based Buddhist nun, Jaya Rudgard, has said, “These four facets of the heart offer us a complete set of responses to meet any circumstances that life can throw at us.”
Love is selfless, outward flowing, and unattached
Love loves for the benefit of others, not to gain anything for itself. As wisdom teacher Peace Pilgrim said, “Pure love is a willingness to give, without a thought of receiving anything in return.” This means that with practice, we can relate with love regardless of how others treat us or the situation we face. This is why Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)
Love are immeasurable and fundamental to our basic nature
Love loves to love. In the same way that a gentle rain waters all plants, skipping none, our inner love is boundless and includes all beings, all life, and all situations. Love sees how everything exists for our highest good and supports us in our ability to live from truth and love.
Granted, these claims beg the question: How can our love be boundless and part of our fundamental nature when we don’t feel it all the time?
Just as relatively small clouds can block the warmth and light of the enormous sun, the falsehoods we believe prevent us from experiencing the boundless and ever-present nature of our inner love. Of course, the clouds have not eliminated the sun, nor do the falsehoods we believe affect our ever-present, boundless inner love. In the same way that you cannot separate wetness from water, or heat from fire, you cannot separate us from our inner love.
Because love is fundamental to our true self, that’s why many wisdom teachers think of these divine abodes as “states of being,” rather than as “emotions.” This may not make sense now, but as you progress through the mindfulness missions of the Mindfulness Fundamentals 3.0 course, this way of viewing things may become more clear and understandable.
“My lack of expertise was more than offset by the love I extended to others. When love fills your life all limitations are gone. The medicine this sick world needs so badly is love.”
Conclusion
In summary, kindness, compassion, joy, and peace are the four great qualities of heart, and they represent a different facet on the diamond of love. Kindness befriends life. Compassion faces what’s difficult. Joy celebrates life. Peace allows the present moment to be as it is. Together, these four divine abodes, give you a skillful way to respond to all circumstances with love.
When we relate from these four kinds of love, we experience relational pleasure. Love is always selfless. And love is also fundamental to our true self, so we consider the pleasant feelings of love to be ever-present “states of being” that often get eclipsed by our louder afflictive emotions.
Take the Mindfulness Fundamentals 3.0 course to learn how to relate more and more from these four beautiful qualities of heart, so that you, too, can dwell in these divine abodes.