Use the CLARA Method to address anyone who is verbally attacking others, or behaving unruly, or when a difficult conversation is needed. The CLARA Method helps you model compassionate, kind, empathic listening and communication to help de-escalate a situation and bring harmony. It is used by Nonviolent Peaceforce's Unarmed Civilian Protection forces stationed in conflict zones around the world to protect civilians.
The CLARA Method Overview
CENTER: Set aside all judgmental thoughts. Recognize the interconnected nature of all life. Connect with your own humanity and the humanity of those acting unskillfully. Be fully present.
LISTEN: Listen deeply for what feelings they are experiencing, what needs of theirs are not being met, what universal values or principles are at play, and what behaviors they are concerned about. By kindly listening to them, you help them feel heard, respected, and valued, and this helps to calm them and de-escalate the situation.
AFFIRM: Affirm their dignity, worth, belonging, and safety nonverbally (and possibly verbally too). Affirm their underlying feelings, needs, and values by reflecting back what you heard from them and asking them to confirm if you understand them. In this way, all of your words remain focused on them and their needs. This helps them feel your empathy, understanding, and respect, and will help calm them and de-escalate the situation.
RESPOND: Respond with open-ended questions or questions that help them reframe the situation. Respond buy vulnerably sharing the feelings and needs of yourself, or the people you are protecting, to help them connect with their humanity and compassion. Respond by brainstorming positive, concrete action that you are able to do that might address their concerns. Respond by offering ideas that help them reframe the situation according to the values, needs, and principles they are at play.
ADD: Provide further resources for them to check out later. Add a behavioral request from them using positive, nonjudgmental, concrete language.
The CLARA method allows for a lot of flexibility and freedom to adapt to whatever situation is unfolding. The effectiveness of it comes from centering the dignity, safety, needs, and feelings of the person who is behaving unskillfully, as well as all other stakeholders.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Although CLARA helps de-escalate charged situations, if one has not practiced it, it will be harder to use in challenging situations. If possible, find a few friends who regularly come together to practice the CLARA Method. Then use CLARA regularly in your life to show compassion and empathy to friends who are upset or angry.
Two practices that will significantly aid you in implementing the CLARA method include:
Adopting a daily mindfulness meditation practice. To aid you in this, read our meditation tips, use our guided meditations, and listen to our mindfulness trainings. Please also consider joining the Boundless Love Project’s mailing list to learn about new free mindfulness resources, trainings, and upcoming events.
The study, practice, and use Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. Resources to aid you in this include:
• Nonviolent Communication Learning Guide (PDF)
• Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg (Book)
• Nonviolent Communication Books and Resources (Website)
Additional resources to help you with both of these practices can be found in the article Nonviolent Action Resources.
The more you use the CLARA Method in your life, the more your friendships will blossom, and the more you will enjoy how it helps you connect with others, repair, and heal relationships. Then, when a high stakes conflict erupts, you will be better prepared to wield the CLARA Method nimbly and flexibly to de-escalate the situation and benefit all involved.